Best Funny Jokes for Kids for All Events

The benefits of sharing jokes go beyond the casual fun and can improve family cohesion, social interaction and correlate with better coping skills for children. The best jokes for kids not only an opportunity to spend more time together but can be used to cheer up any social event that kids attending. This occasion can be a birthday party, Easter, Thanksgiving or Christmas, family gardening or just a Sunday picnic with friends.

Best Jokes for Kids

A sense of humor is not only a source of joy, but while kids learn new jokes, subsequently they improve their skills on spelling, word meaning, the various sounds in words and also strengthens their long-term memory.

When talking about the best jokes for kids, it is important to take age-appropriate humor into account, as kids develop they may not understand certain jokes, or simply not find them funny. 

Spending time outdoors or in the garden as a family is wonderful. We have talked about kids gardening toys that imitate the full size real versions, and it was nice to see that the little ones can feel important and grown up doing the same things as their parents. Sprinkle some humor in there and joke around with the following list of best jokes for kids! 

Let’s see the best kids’ jokes!

– A waist of time

– Why did the maths book look so sad?
– It was full of problems.

– Why was six scared of seven?
– Because seven ate nine.

– Did you hear about the teacher who was cross-eyed?
– He couldn’t control his pupils.

– Did you hear the joke about the germ?
– Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.

– Why was the bed wearing a disguise?
– Because it was under cover.

– What do you call having your granny on speed dial?
– Instagran.

– What is the color of the wind?
– Blew.

– What did the tree say to the flower?
– I’m rooting for you.

– What’s the best kind of snack to eat during a horror movie?
– I scream.

– Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
– He just needed space.

– What do you call a ghost’s mom and dad?
– Transparents

– Why didn’t the ghost go the ball?
– Because he had no body to dance with.

– What did the dad chimney say to the little chimney?
– You’re too young to smoke!

– How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
– As mushroom as possible.

– What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
– Nobody nose.

– Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
– They just don’t have the guts.

– What did the blanket say to the bed?
– Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

– Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
– It’s very time consuming.

– How do you make an egg-roll?
– Just push it.

– Why did the ninja spend the day in bed?
– He had kung-flu.

– What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
– A BBQ.

– Why are hairdressers never late for work?
– Because they know all the short cuts.

– What did the one wall say to the other?
– Let’s meet at the corner.

– Why wouldn’t the monster eat the clown?
– Because he suspected it would taste funny.

– Can February march?
– No, but April may.

– What starts with E, ends with E and has only one letter in it?
– Envelope.

Food Jokes for Kids

– What’s did one tomato say to the other tomato?
– You go ahead and I’ll ketchup.

– Why did the banana go to the doctor?
– Because he wasn’t peeling well.

– Why did the tomato blush?
– It saw the salad dressing.

– When do you stop on green and go on red?
– When you are eating watermelon.

Best Funny Animal Jokes

– What dog keeps the best time?
– A watch dog.

– What do you call a pig that knows karate?
– A pork chop.

– How do you make an octopus laugh?
– With ten-tickles.

– What do you call a dentist who fixes crocodiles’ teeth?
– Totally crazy.

– Do you want to hear a bad cat joke?
– Just kitten.

– What do you call a polar bear in the Maldives?
– Lost.

– What kind of math do birds like?
– Owlgebra.

– What did Mrs Earthworm say to her daughter when she came home late?
– Where on earth have you been?

– How do you count cows?
– With a cowculator.

– What do you get when you cross a monkey with a peach?
– An ape-ricot.

– What do you call a bee that comes from America?
– USB

– What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
– A wooly jumper!

– On what day of the week do chickens hide?
– Fry-day.

– What’s a rabbit’s favorite dance style?
– Hip-hop

– What’s black and white and goes round and round
– A penguin in the washing machine.

– What do you call a happy bunny?
– A hop-timist.

– What do you call a magic dog?
– A Labracadabrador.

– What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
– Dam!

– What do you call a bear with no teeth?
– A gummy bear.

– Where do cows go for entertainment?
– To the moo-vies.

– What did the one fish say to the other?
– Hey, long time no sea.

– How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
– Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.

– What do you call an alligator in a vest?
– An investigator.

– What’s the difference between a weird rabbit and a sporty rabbit?
– One’s a bit funny, the other is a fit bunny.

– What do you call an ant that won’t go away?
– Permanant.

– What happens when you annoy a rabbit?
– You get a bad hare day.

– What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
– It barked with de-light!

– What do you call a bear with no ears?
– B.

– What did the buffalo say to his son at school drop-off?
– Bison.

– What do you call two young married spiders?
– Newly webs.  

Best Gardening Jokes

– Why do potatoes make good detectives?
– Because they keep their eyes peeled.

– My brother is a water sign.  I’m an earth sign.
– Together we make mud.

– What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
– Pumpkin pi.

– Everyone has these on their face. What are they?
– Two lips

– What do you call it when worms take over the world?
– Global Worming.

– What kind of flowers do you give to King Tut?
– Chrysanthemummies.

– What’s the gardeners favorite court sport?
– Squash

– Why did the gardener quit?
– Because his celery wasn’t high enough. 

“Crikey it’s chilli in here. Let’s turnip the heat.”

– How well is your garden growing?
– Only thyme will tell. 

– What kind of tree has hands?
– A palm tree.

“I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn.”

– What is green and goes to a summer camp?
– A Brussels’ scout.

– What do you get when you cross a canary and a lawn mower?
– Shredded tweet.

“Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.”

– What vegetable do you need a plumber for?
– A Leek.

“Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.”

– What do you get if you cross a dog with a daisy?
– A colli-flower.

– A neighbor asks one of the kids, “Can I borrow your lawnmower?”
– The kid says, “No, Dad’s not home yet!” 

– What sort of animal is a slug?
– A snail with a housing problem. 

One afternoon a rich man was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, ‘Why are you eating grass?’

‘We don’t have any money for food,’ the poor man replied. ‘We have to eat grass.’

‘Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,’ the rich man said.

‘But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.’

‘Bring them along,’ the rich man replied. Turning to the other poor man he announced, ‘You come with us, also.’

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, ‘But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me.’

‘Bring them all, as well,’ the rich fellow answered. 

They all climb in the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the rich gent and said, 

‘Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.’

The rich man replied, ‘Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.’ 

Best Knock Knock Jokes

– Knock, Knock!
– Who’s there?
– Lettuce.
– Lettuce who?
– Lettuce in, its cold out here.

– Knock knock!
– Who’s there?
– Honeydew!
– Honeydew who?
– Honeydew you want to come out tonight?

Best Christian Jokes

– Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
– Because Noah was standing on the deck

– What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
– It’s Christmas, Eve!

– What do rabbits say before they eat?
– Lettuce pray.

– At what time of day was Adam created?
– A little before Eve.

– Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
– Abraham. He knew a Lot.

– What was Jesus’ least favorite food?
– Passion Fruit

– What’s the best way to study the Bible?
– You Luke into it.

– Where is the first math problem mentioned in the bible?
– When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.

– Why did God create man before woman?
– Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

– What kind of car did the Apostles drive?
– A Honda, because in the book of Acts it says, “the Apostles were all in one Accord.”

– Who was the greatest male financier in the Bible?
– Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

– How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
– By his net income.

– How does Moses make his coffee?
– Hebrews it.

– How many Congregationalists does it take to change a light bulb?
– Well, first we need a committee to decide whether or not to change the light bulb. Then we need a committee to decide the process for changing the lightbulb. And finally we need a committee to select the number of people to carry out said process of changing the lightbulb.

– How many Presbyterians does it take to change a lightbulb? 
– Change? That’s my Mother’s lightbulb!

– How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
– Change a light bulb with all that water around?

– How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
– We believe the light bulb will be changed by faith, not by works that we do.

– How many Episcopals does it take to change a light bulb?
– Exactly three. One to change the light bulb, one to hold the chair, and one to mix the drinks.

– How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to change a light bulb?
– Well, you can change the light bulb or not change it, or just do an interpretive dance about light.

– How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
– Whoa, slow down! We’re still burning candles around here.

– How many Quakers does it take to change a light bulb?
– None, they just wait for the “inner light.”

– Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? 
– Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once

– Who was the first tennis player in the bible?  – Joseph… he served in Pharaoh’s court

– What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? 
– Ruthless

– Who was the fastest runner in the race? 
– Adam, because he was first in the human race.

Standing at the gates of heaven
At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, the angel Gabriel appeared and said, “I want all the men to form two lines. One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households. The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives.”

Gabriel continued, “And now we need all of the women to report to Mary and Martha on the other side of the gate.”

The women left while the men hurriedly formed two lines. The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending. The line of men who were the true head of their household had just one man standing in it.

Gabriel said to the first line, “You men ought to be ashamed of yourselves. You were appointed to be the heads of your households and you have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, there is only one man who obeyed.”

Funny Disney Jokes

– Why did Goofy stare at the label on the orange juice all day?
– Because the carton said concentrate.

Frozen the Movie Jokes

– Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
– Because she will ‘Let it go’

– What did one snowman say to the other?
– Can you smell carrots?

– What does Olaf eat for lunch?
– Icebergers.

– What do you call Olaf in the desert?
– A puddle!

Mickey Mouse Jokes

– What does Mickey Mouse use to browse the Web?
– An iPad Minnie!

– Why did Mickey go into outerspace?
– To find Pluto!

– What’s Minnie’s favorite thing to wear?
– A Minnie-skirt.

References

Boredpanda.com Best Jokes for Kids Lastlemon